Category: Grief / Healing
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First Angelversary
The last few days have felt like the worst countdown of my life. I have counted how many days and hours we had left with Archer last year. It just feels so painful knowing he has been gone for so long. Today marks one year. It’s the last day of all the firsts without him.…
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Last Hospital Admittance
In 2022, we were discharged from the hospital on April 1st and spent almost a whole week at home. We had to go in for regular blood drawls and dressing changes for his PICC line, but we were okay with that, knowing that we got to spend time with Archer at home. On April 7th,…
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Archer’s Fate – March 28th
One year ago, today was probably one of my life’s top 10 worst days. Every morning between 8-10 am, the doctors would do their rounds at the hospital. We would hear what the doctors thought was going on with Archer. This day was just different… Archer had some genetic testing done earlier in his hospital…
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It’s Okay to Not Be Okay
Last night, I had a meltdown. My broken heart and the overwhelming feeling of loss bubbled over and became uncontrollable tears. Thankfully Theo just let me cry on his shoulder and let me get it out. I always feel so bad when I have these moments of uncontrollable tears. I feel like I drag my…
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Eleven
It’s the last 14th of the month before we hit the 1-year angelversary mark of Archer being gone. While it feels like the year has gone by so quickly, it feels like it has been a lifetime since I held him, saw his big blue eyes, or heard his voice. The last few days have…
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March 5th
It was 6 am on Saturday, and Theo woke me up. His face showed concern and even a bit of fear. He said, “I think something is wrong with Archer.” All I remember is shooting out of bed and getting dressed in whatever I could find while Theo told me everything that was happening with…
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Faith
A few weeks ago, Theo was asked to play acoustic for Good Land Church’s worship. They are a new church plant in Milwaukee, and their worship leader could not play that week. Theo and I were both ‘game’ for a change-up in our usual Sunday routine to be able to help some dear friends and…
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Dreams and Grief
I had not dreamt about Archer since my last post, Dream or Reality, about my first dream of Archer. Because of this, I wanted to write differently than I did then, so I re-read my blog. The emotions I had eight months ago when first dreaming about him remain true. In my dream, Archer was probably closer to…
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My Struggles Lately
Over the last week, I have told Theo and my mom about how I have been feeling. I feel I have lost friends because of Archer’s passing and because I am always sad. I have been feeling forgotten… We went out with some friends last week, and they made it very clear to let us…
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Ten
I’m just lost. So lost without one of my biggest loves on a day that is supposed to be all about love. (I do have a post about Valentine’s Day coming). Archer – This last month has not been easy, and maybe it’s been the most difficult of all. I keep thinking about all the…