I had not dreamt about Archer since my last post, Dream or Reality, about my first dream of Archer. Because of this, I wanted to write differently than I did then, so I re-read my blog. 

The emotions I had eight months ago when first dreaming about him remain true.

In my dream, Archer was probably closer to his earthly age (20 months). I got to hold him, and he even said a few sentences. The dream wasn’t all rosy, but I didn’t care. I was just happy to see my son.

I was fine most of the day, and about halfway through, I just broke down. It hit me like a ton of bricks. While having a dream about Archer is such a ‘treat,’ it also brings up a lot of grief feelings. 

When you dream, it just feels so real. Then when you wake up, the reality of life sets in. I felt like I had lost him again.

Even though this feeling is so heavy, I wouldn’t take back dreaming about Archer. Theo and I have ALWAYS said that, even if we knew before having Archer that he could have Alpers, we wouldn’t have changed having him. Now, we even say that if we had a time machine, we would go back and consistently live when Archer was alive. 

Dreams can be bittersweet. I wouldn’t stop them from happening, but I wish I didn’t grieve more when awake.