To go from Mother’s Day on Sunday to two years and one month since Archer’s passing is an emotional rollercoaster, to say the least. Most months are just as hard as the last. 

One thing that makes it seem more emotionally complex is watching Stryder grow up. For no good reason, my brain likes to focus on numbers. Stryder will be two months old this month, which I am so excited about. However, every time I think about this, I can’t help thinking about what percentage of Archer’s life he has already lived. For example, when Stryder turns two months old, he will have lived about 22% of Archer’s lifetime. 

The numbers make me think: 

1. Wow, time goes fast. 
2. Archer’s life, indeed, was so short.

The numbers remind me of Archer’s absence. His absence continues to teach me:

1. Cherish every moment because the moments may not last long. 
2. Make memories, even if they push me out of my comfort zone. Try to go with the flow.
3. Love on Stryder every second and keep my patience, no matter what else is happening around us or our mood. 

Archer – 

Mama misses and loves you lots. We talk about you and show Strdyer pictures of you often. Whenever he looks at your picture, hears a song about you, or when we talk about you, Stryder always seems to get a little sense of peace over him. It’s such a beautiful thing to watch. 

I missed you a little extra on Mother’s Day, but we brought you everywhere with us. I wanted to enjoy the day with both of my babies. 

It’s hard to believe we are already planning your third Heavenly Birthday. I’m not ready (for planning purposes or emotionally). We haven’t forgotten you; you are so present in our lives, even in death. 

I love you lots!

Mama