It’s been a tough few weeks, but the holidays are always hard when you miss someone you love and built part of your life around.

Christmas without Archer was hard. There were a lot of little breakdowns throughout the holidays. 

My family goes to the Wild Lights at the Zoo every year since Archer was born. We would walk around the zoo and look at all the lights they have placed around it. Archer loved lights, so Theo and I believe this was and would still be one of his favorite traditions. While Archer is no longer with us, we still bring his little urn to the zoo, show him around, get a picture with Santa, and even get a little stuffed animal to place in his cove. 

Every time we went to take a picture, the tears would flood out of me. I still love having the pictures with him. I love that we get the stuffed animal in honor of him. But it’s not the same without him. As we walked around the zoo, I only thought about how much Archer loved certain spots. For example, whenever he had to go under the lights directly, his eyes lit up, which is a memory I will forever cherish.

I look sad in these photos, but I still want to share the memories we try to make in honor of Archer. 

Next year, we continue to plan to take Archer, but we will also be taking Stryder. We plan to get a picture with Santa, get BOTH boys a stuffed animal, and tell Stryder all about Archer’s favorite lit areas. 

This year, we were also beyond blessed to be adopted by Bo’s Heavenly Clubhouse at Christmas. One of the most unique gifts and moments was the ornament picked out; it was just special for him. We took a few pictures of Archer with his gift and ornament. Baby Yoda reminds Theo and me a lot of Archer because of his personality, and he wore many Baby Yoda clothes because of our love for Star Wars. 

Lastly, Theo and I decided to take a babymoon for Baby Stryder over the new year. I think this was multipurpose: 

1. We wanted to get away before we parent another earthly little.
2. New calendar years are hard. 

New years are hard because it’s walking into something that most people are so excited about, but it leaves us feeling empty still. It’s another “milestone” that your child is gone for. 

Many people say that the “New Year is going to be the best yet,” and while I like to think that 2024 will be one of the best, it will also be one of the most challenging. 

• We must get the nursery flipped from Archer’s room to Stryder’s. (Trust me, I need lots of prayer for this.)
• We are going to be re-learning to be parents.
• We have the challenge of learning how to explain to our child that he is not an only child, telling him about Archer but also making him feel special and that he is not a ‘replacement’ for his brother. 

By saying all this, I don’t want to say that I am not grateful for the holidays or that there was no joy in the moments. I am thankful; we smiled, laughed, and found joy. However, there is also sorrow and pain at the same time, and it makes the season bittersweet.