Every 14th day of the month since Archer passed, I have written a blog about how I felt or written directly to him. This month, I missed it.

The 14th came and went, and then about three days later, I realized I missed writing a blog. At first, I was a little disappointed and ‘sad’ that I forgot. As I processed this more, I realized I wasn’t sad I missed it. I even took a few extra days to blog to ensure I knew how I felt about missing it, and I still feel the way I did when I realized I missed it.

To have a day every month that reminds you of the most horrible, traumatic thing in your life is hard. Let alone deal with the holidays and other “dates” that are plagued with more trauma.

This doesn’t mean that I didn’t think about Archer that day. It doesn’t mean Theo and I didn’t talk about him, look at his pictures, or say we missed him. Because knowing us, we did all those things.

Archer is a common topic in our house, and not always in a ‘negative’ way. We look at his pictures in our digital picture frame daily. We sing songs to and about him. We talk about what he’s doing in heaven.

This month, I didn’t miss the grief that the 14th typically brings. August 14th may bring completely different emotions than this month. Greif is a rollercoaster.

Archer –
I know you wouldn’t care that I missed the date. You would be proud that we were not bogged down by grief on a tough day but that we stood firm in the love and joy your life brought us.

We miss you tremendously, and we would love to have you back. No one can take your place in our hearts or lives. However, we wouldn’t want to take you away from the most perfect paradise you will ever see.

We love and miss you beyond words,
Mama