Over the last week, I have told Theo and my mom about how I have been feeling. I feel I have lost friends because of Archer’s passing and because I am always sad. I have been feeling forgotten…

We went out with some friends last week, and they made it very clear to let us know that they think and pray for us weekly, at minimum, and that we are not forgotten.

Someone was so kind and ordered off my Etsy and just left me a note telling me they continue to pray for Theo and me regularly. They didn’t have to do this, and it meant the world that they told me. 

Then at church, a few people just come up to me and tell me that they are still reading the blog and praying for us when they read them, even though they don’t comment on my posts or let me know every time I post.

These three minor incidents during the weekend were not coincidental, but God knows how I feel and my thoughts. As this all hit after church, I realized, I’m not forgotten. People are praying for me and everything we are going through. I may not always know it. 

Not only has this been weighing on me, but I feel like there is a part of me that will never be ‘happy.’ A piece of me is so broken, and it can never be put back together. 

Last night, I was reading one of my devotions, and Psalms 13:3-4 came up. And no, this was no coincidence that this was in my devotion on a week I had been struggling most with my feelings:

“How long must I struggle with anguish in my soul, with sorrow in my heart every day? How long will my enemy have the upper hand? Turn and answer me, O Lord my God! Restore the sparkle to my eyes, or I will die.”

While I don’t relate to the whole verse, I do relate to how David felt. I am struggling with anguish and sorrow. I need the sparkle to be restored in me. 

For those of you reading my blog and praying, I ask that you pray precisely for this over my life. And I cannot say the biggest THANK YOU for still praying for me, even after 10.5 months of Archer being gone from earth.