I’m late posting this, but we passed another month of Archer being gone. I’m late for a few reasons: (1) life still happens, and (2) I couldn’t bring myself to write.

This month, Stryder did end up getting sick. One morning, he violently threw up. No fever. There are no major indicators as to why, except for some sinus issues.

I was mentally thrown back to Archer. If you don’t know, Archer threw up a lot due to his liver failure. The moment that Stryder vomited, my face turned white, and I panicked. Theo went into immediate fix mode. He got Stryder cleaned up while I just stood there for a minute.

The world stood still for about a minute, and the emotions flooded. I quickly got to work cleaning his car seat and the floor while sobbing.

I kept asking Theo if he thought Stryder was okay all day. He kept telling me that this is different than Archer, and Stryder likely has a cold that makes it hard to keep his food down.

Since that day, we have had a few more incidents like this, and Stryder has had a cold. His cold caused him to be sick because since those few incidents, Stryder has been 100% fine, and he sounds so much better (because of the congestion).

The trauma got me. No, I don’t mean Archer. I mean being reminded of everything we went through and the outcome that occurred. The moment the world honestly stopped all around me, and then figured out how to pick up the pieces of my life.

Looking back, I still don’t know how I’m standing after losing Archer and this scare with Stryder. All I know is that the peace of God is what I believe it is. I still have to tell myself that God is in control and Stryder is NOT Archer. I am still working on not doubting what I know to be true.

Archer –

This month was hard. I have been reminded of a time that was so difficult. However, I’m also reminded of how well you handled everything. You always had that BIG, beautiful smile on. You loved hard, even in your short time.

I think about how, even during everything, you looked at me, knowing I would be okay, even when things weren’t okay. And I like to believe this is because God told you that your time would be short when you entered this world, but your mama and daddy would make it. I hope He told you that you would have a legacy left like no other.

None of this means your absence is okay. None of this means I don’t miss you daily. It does bring me peace.

I know I’ll see you again one day. I love you to heaven and back.

Mama