Mother’s Day this year looked very different from last year. Last year, Theo and I were blessed with a trip to get away, as Archer had just passed about three weeks before. This year, we were in a ‘normal’ routine. I use normal very lightly because I no longer know what normal looks like.

Some family and friends asked if I was going to church on Sunday because of the holiday and celebration. Theo was playing on the worship team, so he had to go. But my honest answer to everyone was, “I don’t know.”

Part of me wanted to stay curled in bed, and the other part knew I didn’t want to be home alone. I told myself that on Mother’s Day morning, I would decide based on my heart. From there, I would try my best to get through the day.

The morning rolled around, and I got up. I didn’t want to be home alone, so I decided to go to church.

As I pulled up, I didn’t know how to feel. I thought I was strong and wouldn’t let the day impact me. I would try to act like it was another Sunday morning.

As I walked in, I heard “Happy Mother’s Day” with arms wide open for me to hug this person. That is when I finally felt that today was not just any Sunday. The words aren’t what made me well up, but the fact that I was still recognized as a mom is what got me. People still see me as a mom, which means a lot.

The morning continued, and friends went out of their way to hug or message me and wish me a happy Mother’s Day. None of them had to do this, but it was so sweet of people to remember me, but more importantly, to remember Archer’s life.

Theo had to play for both services, so I was going to go home after first service and get things done. I said goodbye to my family and started to walk out the doors. I was about 20 feet out the door, and I turned around. I couldn’t go home and be alone.

I trotted back to my mom and asked if I could help run her errands with her. She kindly welcomed me to tag along until Theo was home. When he got home, I went home. He came out of our bedroom with my Mother’s Day gift. It was a beautiful garden stone, now sitting by the tree my parents gave us at Archer’s Celebration of Life.

Looking back, all I could wish for on Mother’s Day was for Archer not to be forgotten, and my family and friends ensured I knew he wasn’t.