As we approached Archer’s first angelversary, I started to go back through old photos and social media posts to see my handsome, missed boy.

While I was doing so, something caught my eye immediately. Take a look at my post from December 2022, and see if you notice it:

You probably saw it right away. Maybe your stomach dropped as mine did. (And if it didn’t, that’s okay!) I said, “We love our Squish so much and cannot picture a world without him.”

I was right…I couldn’t picture a world without him. He was my everything, and honestly, he still is. My world revolved around him and all that he needed. My job was to care for him to the best of my ability.

Today, I don’t just picture a world without him but LIVE in a world without him. My heart longs for him every day. My mind still has difficulty grasping everything we have been through and living without him. 

I went to a Bereaved Mother’s Day conference this past weekend, and a few wise words stuck with me. I hope someone can find them as encouraging as I did:

I am not a victim; I will be victorious.

AND

I have already lived my worst day. 

Every day I will live without Archer physically here on Earth. However, I’m looking forward to spending an eternity with him one day. When I get there, I hope to introduce him to his sibling(s) and that he and Jesus tell me how proud they are of me. 

Sorry that this blog feels scattered and not as themed as my other writings. I needed to write. I needed to feel my feelings. I needed to say what had been on my chest for almost a month.