Taking care of me feels like it’s been an adjustment. Since Archer passed, Theo and I have felt that we were pretty good at saying ‘no’ or ‘yes’ to things we felt we could or could not do.

However, since slowing down around the holidays and thinking about 2023, it just feels so much harder to be able to take care of myself. It feels selfish when I think I have to do or not do something. The dedication and intentionality of HOW and WHEN I care for myself is hard. Even though it seems simple, you must have the discipline to take care of yourself. This could be done by reading a book, working out, drinking more water, taking naps, allowing myself to cry, etc.

It’s no longer just a ‘yes’ or ‘no’ but making conscious, disciplined decisions about what is best, why it’s best, and not feeling like I am letting anyone down.

Since taking care of myself, I feel my overall well-being has been under attack. I have had more breakdowns, dealt with more emotionally, had to figure out finances, been dealing with spiritual warfare, and have not felt good physically.

On top of this, Theo and I are heading into some really dark, hard days in the coming week and months. Somedays, we have just been looking for a gleaming shimmer of light that will help pull us through some of these days we have experienced and will be experiencing.

Even though the first month has been difficult, I have surpassed the well-being I feel I had in 2022. I know it’s only been a month, and I’m telling you that I have (1) had a hard time and (2) come so far. (Pst: I still have a LONG way to go). None of this is to toot my own horn. I write this more as an encouragement to myself for when times get hard. I want to read and reflect on this blog and tell myself that it’s worth it.

One day, I will fill everyone in on the details of what has been happening. Today, putting myself first and taking care of myself feels good. I plan to keep going and give myself grace along the way.