I have never been a fan of New Year’s resolutions or picking a theme for the year. Usually, this is because I have a hard time sticking to them. If I remember correctly, last year, I said I just wanted to be a better mom and love Archer to the fullest.

When I look back, some days, I feel like I did this so well. I advocated for him. I tried to seize every moment with him. I held him in my arms as he took his last breath on earth and took his first step into heaven.

However, some days, the ‘shoulda, coulda, woulda’ creeps in, and I wish I could have done more. But I did what I could, what I thought was best, and loved him every second of his life.

This year, I have a theme:

I N T E N T I O N A L M E

My goal for the year is to be intentional with everything I do, specifically with myself. I want to put my time and energy into myself. This is something I struggle with because it feels so selfish to say. However, I want to be intentional and have better physical, emotional, mental, and spiritual wellness.

Theo and I aim to bring more life into this world one day. To do this, I need to be the best I can be physically. Some research shows that physical wellness can impact your results / timing of becoming pregnant. Then I have to take care of a little life that will be growing inside me. I need to be physically healthy.

Emotional and mental health run hand-in-hand with me. I cannot hide or avoid my grief. When I do this, it bottles up, and I feel like my heart is actually going to burst. Dealing with my thoughts and emotions will allow me to learn, overcome challenges, and deal with future emotions better.

My relationship with God has changed since the passing of Archer. My conversations with him are so different, in such a good way. Nothing sets in harder than the willingness to give up your son and watch him die for another person out of love. I lost my son and still don’t know that I could have done this myself, yet this is exactly what God did.

By taking 2023 to focus intentionally on myself, I believe I will be a better wife and, one day, a better mom.

Bear with me in 2023. I may say ‘no’ or I may say ‘yes’ to different things. The emotions may be raw and real. I will continue to share it all here. I hope you continue to read and walk this journey with me. I’d love for you all to see (well, read about) a different, more healthy me by the time 2024 hits.