Tonight, Theo and I went to a hockey game with some friends. It was, overall, a great night. We had fun rooting for our team to win even though they didn’t.

Tonight was Cancer Awareness night, and most of the night surrounded children’s cancer. During one of the breaks, they played a beautiful promo of these children talking about having cancer or going through their treatments.

My eye welled, and a few fell down my cheek into my mask. I don’t know that any of our friends noticed. If they did, they didn’t make a big deal of it, which is appreciated nowadays.

After the game, Theo and I walked back to our car. The moment the doors closed, the tears really came. At that moment, I found myself somewhat jealous of the parents of those children.

This may sound weird and wrong, but I said to Theo how I wondered if it would have been easier to find out Archer had cancer, which would have had a potential cure, compared to finding out he had a fatal genetic disorder we could do NOTHING about.

I want to be clear; I’m not saying cancer is easy or that I envy people who have cancer. I’m not saying it doesn’t take a physical or mental toll on those children or families. What I’m saying is that I somewhat envy the hope they have of a cure and survival. The moment we got Archer’s diagnosis, there was no medical hope for him, a cure, or survival.

After thinking about this the whole car ride home, I don’t know if I could have seen Archer go through that. It could be good that I didn’t see him go through any horrible, long medical issues. My hope of being with Archer is no longer earthly but eternal.