Theo and I went to a memorial service that Archer’s hospice facility put on. It was at a funeral home, in this beautiful chapel. We were asked to bring a picture to place on a table to remember our loved one. 

It was weird that there were “older” people in every picture, and then there was our baby. No one should ever have to see a baby on a memorial table. It is just not normal and feels so wrong. 

Either way, there his photo sat. 

The memorial service started. A gentleman said something, which I found profound, and it was that they hoped the service would help us hear one thing that would bring us so much comfort in our current season. 

There was music and many readings throughout the service. There was even a moment when we each got to share a minute or two about our loved one. I briefly shared Archer’s story: He was 9.5 months old when he passed due to a genetic condition. He was in hospice for one day. His smile lit up the world. 

By now, many know quite a bit about Archer, how sad I am, and what we are doing to try and heal. I wanted to share the one thing I heard at the memorial that has been carrying me during these heavy, sad, dark few weeks. 

Footprints In The Sand

One night I had a dream.
I was walking along the beach with my Lord.
Across the dark sky flashed scenes from my life, and for each scene, I noticed two sets of footprints in the sand, one belonging to me and one to my Lord.

When the last scene of my life flashed before me, I looked back at the footprints in the same. 
I noticed that many times along my life’s pathway, especially at the lowest and saddest moments, there was only one set of footprints.

This troubled me, and I asked the Lord about it.
“Lord, you said that if I followed you in life, You’d walk with me all the way.
But I noticed that during the most difficult times of my life, there was only one set of footprints.
I don’t understand, why, when I needed You the most, You would leave me.”

He whispered, “My precious child, I love you and will never leave you.
During your times of trial and suffering, when you say only one set of footprints, It was then that I carried you.”

Since Archer’s passing, I have been asking the Lord, “why.” I don’t understand, and my heart breaks. These last few weeks have been dark, heavy, and sad. However, as I look back, I see one set of footprints because the Lord is still carrying me.