Who knew that making a post on social media would be so emotionally complicated?
I write all the time, as you can tell, but when it comes to any of the holidays, it just seems so much harder to post anything on social media.
Some wonder why I say this, especially as I am writing all the time and posting here on the blog.
I’ll give you the answer: it’s a ‘special’ day where most people in the world are happy.
It’s not a ‘special’ day in the Sessler home, but one that holds a lot of heartaches.
On National Son’s day, I can post a maximum of ten photos on my Instagram. How do you pick the perfect ten photos that show everything we saw daily? How do you choose pictures that the world has never seen before and will enjoy? I will never have more photos of Archer for the rest of my life, and the photos the world sees are all I have.
For the caption, it feels like it has to be perfect. Something that shows how much you love your child while missing and honoring them, but not making the rest of the world sad.
Posting here, I feel I can be raw and honest. I can cry as I write posts and make them as long or short as I want.
National Son’s Day last year was something so special. I talked about how much I learned from Archer and how blessed I was to have him. While I still feel that way, I will never learn more from Archer now that he is gone. I am learning from the grief and healing that my heart and body are going through.
While I am beyond blessed to have had Archer, I don’t know that I will ever truly get to celebrate National Son’s Day like the rest of the world. I don’t know that I will ever have another son earth-side. My son is walking heaven’s streets with all his family and new friends.
National Son’s Day should feel ‘special,’ and I don’t feel that.
I miss my son.
I miss Squish.
I miss Archer Floyd.
Happy National Son’s Day, baby boy!
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