This Labor Day was both challenging and promising. I learned a lot about myself.

My family and I went to Minnesota to visit family and go to both the Mall of America and their State Fair.

The last time that Theo and I were at a state fair was with Archer. In 2021 it rained during the WI state fair, and we brought ponchos and a stroller poncho. Archer slept most of the fair, but he loved being on the go and seeing all of the people.

This year, we were childless. We got to go with my parents, my brother, my sister-in-law, their kids, my cousins, and their kids. Overall, I only had two big moments of weakness and sadness.

The first was when Theo and I sat down and watched the crowd. In front of us was one of those wood stands that had holes for your face to go through and take pictures. The stand in front of us had three “head holes.” This couple pulled out their baby, probably around three months old, put their heads into the holes, and took a picture. They reminded me of our excitement about taking Archer to the fair last year.

The second time was when I was helping put my nephew’s shoes on. He was sitting on Theo’s lap, squirming a little bit. I thought, “sit still so mama can put on your shoes.” Immediately, I realized my thoughts and just bawled. I told Theo what I had thought and instantly felt so guilty. I know my nephew is not my son, but it brought me to a place where I felt like a parent again.

We avoided all opportunities to see my niece and nephew experience the fun “kid” things at the fair. For example, they will meet some characters or see the animals in the barns. It was just too overwhelming for my emotions.

We did have a good time with our family, and we did make many happy memories. Theo and I got to take our nephew on some rides at the Mall of America, and we held his hand throughout the state fair park. Me and my niece bonded over all of the noises and faces that her auntie could make. Archer loved these noises and faces; I am thankful my niece does too.

Though Labor Day weekend was challenging and emotional, it made me realize that I cannot wait to be a mom again. I want to take my child on these adventures in the future!