Let me give you a brief rundown of my work history since the birth of Archer.
- November 2016 – October 2021: Worked full-time for a law firm
- October 2021 – January 2022: Contracted for the law firm
- October 2021 – March 2022: Worked full-time for a healthcare non-profit
- March 2022 – present: Work for my current company.
Why am I telling you about my work history on my blog about Archer, child loss, and grief?
It’s because he influenced a lot of the decisions that we made around my job.
I was working at the law firm when Archer was born. I took about six weeks off entirely, went back for about two weeks part-time, and finally went back full-time, but worked from home. When I returned, I realized I was ready for a change.
I found this fantastic non-profit organization and decided to leap into my career. This meant that I could no longer work from home and that Archer would head to daycare every day, except Fridays when Nana would watch him.
At the time, I didn’t know that we would love our daycare as much as we do. He loved everyone who worked there; they loved him and still love us today. When we get blessed with future babies, we will send them back to this AMAZING team. (Anyways, blog for another day).
The picture of Archer and I is from his first day at daycare and my first day at the non-profit.
They send you pictures throughout the day. One of those was from his nap and the other was of him during the activity time. This is where we first realized he didn’t like art or to put anything ‘icky’ in his hands.
It was a challenging transition going from being with Archer every day to having to be in the office and away from him. Because I had to arrive and depart at a specific time. Theo would drop off and pick up Archer (except on Fridays when Nana couldn’t watch him, I got to pick him up).
In February, unexpectedly, I got a call from the place I had dreamed of working at for years with a job offer. I jumped at the opportunity and started on March 7th, just two days after Archer was admitted to the hospital.
My job was and is 100% remote. I got to spend every minute with him in the hospital. I didn’t ever have to worry about not being there for my son. My boss and organization have been fantastic with offering flexibility, raising money when we lost Archer, and just supporting me through my journey.
After Archer passed, I felt I had regrets. I regretted that I ever had to go to work and leave my son while he went to daycare. I regretted that I didn’t ensure I could drop him off and pick him up more. I regretted I didn’t get more time with him.
I know that if I didn’t accept my previous role, I wouldn’t be where I am at today. I wouldn’t have been able to work from Archer’s hospital room. But now, I feel I must make Archer proud of my work. I have to be good at what I do. I have to feel that every decision I made was worth it.
This pressure can be difficult, but I want all these decisions to justify the time I didn’t have and make up for what I feel I missed.
I am working on not letting these be regrets but knowing they were doors God opened for me to be with my son when he needed me most.
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