Imagine: You are a surfer who is used to riding the waves to shore daily. One day, suddenly, a huge wave wipes you out. The current pulling you under, the waves crashing over you, you are quickly running out of air and just trying to get to the surface. When you finally make it to the surface, you don’t know what happened but know you have to make it to shore. You start to paddle to shore with all your remaining might to ensure you see tomorrow.
This is how my grief feels.
The day is going well, and I am riding the wave when suddenly something I see, think of, or watch on TV makes me think of Archer. The emotion is so overwhelming that the memories start flooding in. I begin to wonder, “Why me and why Archer?”. Just trying to pull myself out of the wave of emotions and thoughts to be able to continue through the day; honestly, it’s mentally and emotionally exhausting.
I know that it is okay to grieve and be sad that I lost my son. It’s when the emotion hits me suddenly that it becomes difficult. To some level, I am sad every day, seeing as I lost a large piece of my heart; it’s when the memories overtake all other thoughts, the emotions explode.
I miss being the surfer that gets to ride the big wave to the shore and not having to worry about when the next wave will overtake me. That is not my reality. But I will paddle to shore with all my might and continue to get back onto my surfboard daily.
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