One year ago, today was probably one of my life’s top 10 worst days. 

Every morning between 8-10 am, the doctors would do their rounds at the hospital. We would hear what the doctors thought was going on with Archer. This day was just different… 

Archer had some genetic testing done earlier in his hospital stay, so we knew we would get the results back at some point in our stay. The genetic doctor and counselor walked into our room. The doctor looked at Theo and me and said they had weeded out all of the genetic disorders considered ‘minor’ or not-fatal. 

The doctor then looked at us, apologized, and told us that he suspected that Archer had a mitochondrial depletion disorder from which he would not get better. However, we would not have an official diagnosis until the final results returned. 

The doctor explained the disorder, and I told him I didn’t want to know all the details. I wanted to be ‘in the dark’ on the details. I didn’t want to know what Archer may experience. (Archer never experienced these things, but his liver failed quickly). 

After this conversation, I remember I had my first major breakdown. I just received news from a doctor that Archer would NOT survive. I told the doctor he would be wrong. I told him God would heal him, and Archer would make it. It was a time I felt I had BIG faith. Then I remember crying out to God loudly while sobbing, begging Him to heal Archer.

Theo, my mom, and I, who were all there for the news, just cried and held Archer. Our world was completely shaken.

I quickly messaged my boss, letting her know that I wouldn’t be able to work. My mind was everywhere else but on work. My mind was trying to process the fate the doctor had placed on Archer.

We quickly called our pastor (and cousin) to see if he could come to the hospital to sit and pray over Archer and us. I remember him speaking guidance and wisdom to us. He told me that this wasn’t my fault or I didn’t do anything to cause Archer to have this fate. Those words and those moments still resonate with me. 

After he left, we notified the rest of the family of the news. Those were phone calls that were dreaded. Telling grandma, grandpas, aunts, and uncles about the fate of Archer was traumatic. We all had to relive what the doctors had just told us to ensure everyone knew what was happening. 

Theo and I proceeded to decide that we would play Rummy for the rest of the day while hanging out with Archer and my mom. I know this sounds crazy, but we had to keep our minds busy.

Later that evening, Theo and I gave Archer a bath in the hospital and decided to take his nine-month pictures. Yes, we were two days late, but we wanted to ensure we had these memories. These are now photos I look back at all the time. (Archer was getting his top two teeth, so he just wanted to eat the nine-month sign.)

Today, this day replays over and over in my mind. March 28th was just the beginning of what was to come. 

Today’s verse of the day in my Bible app is:

“Even when I walk through the darkest valley, I will not be afraid, for you are close beside me. Your rod and your staff protect and comfort me.” – Psalms 23:4