It is no secret that I have been struggling with losing Archer; however, the last few weeks have been the hardest. Part of that is because our plans have slowed down, and the holidays are not far away anymore.
I have kept myself as busy as possible, even doing things alone. For example, I started to paint.
At first, I decided to paint some Thank You cards for those who bought stickers I had made. They were mostly flowers, leaves, and trees. However, it turned into me painting all sorts of greeting cards.
When I gave a card to my mom in August for her birthday, she looked at me and said, this would be so pretty on a bookmark. What did I do? I started painting bookmarks. Then I thought the tassels to the bookmarks looked boring, so I started making beaded tassels.
We then looked at some of the cards and bookmarks and felt they needed a little pizzazz! I bought glitter, lots and lots of glitter. Some of the cards now sparkle, and I love them.
I soon got a little tired of painting flowers, leaves, and trees, so what did I do? I learned to paint little animals, vehicles, ornaments, holiday items, fruits, and more. I was hand-lettering the words on the cards, but I didn’t love how they looked. I went and got a Cricut to be able to create cards.
My family, who is extremely supportive of everything I do, told me I should sell them. I started an Etsy. However, I didn’t start an Etsy to earn money; all profits are going towards our IVF journey and, hopefully, any baby expenses we have in the future.
I don’t write any of this to have you go to my Etsy or have you buy my products. I tell you all of this because:
- I love my family, who have supported everything good for me. I’m beyond thankful for them.
- My family and I saw how painting is helping my mental health.
- It keeps my mind busy.
- I’m so focused on my painting that I don’t have time to think about how sad and lonely I am.
- It gives me a temporary purpose.
- I’m busy. Painting keeps me busy, even on days when I don’t leave the house.
Most people don’t see that Theo and I changed our living room and bought this beautiful dining room table. We had always planned to do this when we had Archer and growing our family, so we could sit around the table together through the years and have dinner together. (Check out our Around the Table blog to hear more on this story).
We didn’t get to have the table while Archer was earthbound.
Finally, when we got the table, it reminded me of this dream—this beautiful table sitting empty and no growing family to eat around it.
This table is now filled with my paint and Etsy supplies. This table is covered, and I don’t think about that dream of family dinners much. For now, the table is part of my business.
One day, I know, the table will be empty of all of my paint and business supplies. I will get to put high chairs and boosters at the table. Theo and I will have dinner with our kids, but we will always leave an empty seat for Archer. However, it’s not because he will be forgotten, but it serves as a reminder to tell our children about his life and the impact he has made on us and the world.
Until then, painting has been good for me, and I will continue to paint until I feel that its purpose in my life has been served.
