Theo and I have a lot of really great people in our lives that are keeping us in their thoughts and prayers. I think I can speak for both of us and say that this is beyond appreciated.
The most common question we get is, “How are you doing?”.
The answer is always the same, “good”; in reality, we know we are not doing great. It feels more real that he is gone as time passes, and it has set in hard lately.
The second most common question we get is, “What are you doing to heal?” or “Are you taking the time you need to heal?”.
I am pleased to let you know that we are doing our best. We attended our first grief event in the middle of June.
Let me paint you a picture:
About a month ago, we got a letter from the Bereavement Team at Children’s Hospital that listed three different grief activities over the summer. Theo and I were not sure what this would be, but we thought this would be an excellent way to ease into getting more involved with people who have been through loss.
The first event was called Blossoming and Processing.
I don’t know why, but I had the impression that we would be planting something and walking through how this new ‘life’ we were making/planting would somehow represent the life we lost. I was excited, so Theo and I invited our parents to do the event with us, as they had lost their grandson. (Loss is hard for everyone involved.)
About two weeks later, we got the kit in the mail for the event. I open it up with excitement and see:
- Four sheets of paper
- Bendy straws
- Q-Tips
- Small tins of paint
To say I was disappointed was a bit of an understatement. I was embarrassed that I had invited my family to this event. I even bought a bonsai tree planting kit in case this was a bust. I wanted the first event to feel worthwhile and meaningful but also to be a time for us to grow closer as a family through the loss of Archer.
The night of the event, I pulled out the supplies and was still self-conscious and ashamed of what I had just laid out.
Everyone was so kind to have an open mind, and we got ready to start the virtual grief event.
We started with the black paint and watered it down to make it more like ink. The event’s leader told us to place a glob of this at the bottom of the paper. This was meant to show the hole our loved ones left in our lives. We used the bendy straw to blow the ink then and have it spread up the page to look like the branches of a tree. Archer left a hole in all of our lives, and we got to explore how we felt moments or days after he passed.
Next, we took one Q-Tip and used paint to make buds on our tree, which was meant to show the present. We are starting to adjust to life as we know it.
Lastly, we bundled up a few Q-Tips to create blossoms. This was to help us see the future. Think about what we could do to make our loved ones known and remembered in our daily lives, around holidays, or during tough times.
After about an hour and a half of tears, reflection, talking, and listening, somehow, I felt like the event helped. It made me realize that we are not alone going through this. Our parents are devastated by the loss of Archer, and to talk about how we are feeling and what we are all going through reminded me that we have such a great family and support system.
Many other brave families and individuals on the call are still processing their grief months and years later. It was encouraging to hear that new family members didn’t ‘take the place of their loved ones. As my mom says, ‘A hole is a hole.’
Archer not being on earth has left a hole in my heart. However, I have learned of the hole he has left in the hearts of many others, and we are not alone.
P.S. I think Theo and I are now looking forward to the other two grief activities with our family.
